Wayside Gardens: Marriage - The Trust Factor


It is seemingly human nature to drift away, to look were one shouldn't and to do what one should not have looked at in the first place. In other words participants to marriage invariable and eventually dabble in somebody else paint pot, plant tulips in the neighbours garden or use the secretary for duties not mentioned in her contract; whether they get caught or not is not the point under discussion here. What is of importance is the fact that most people who swim in somebody else's pond act suspicious, start to behave strangely and invoke immediate suspicion from the other partner!The husband who suddenly starts working late, who decides late on in life that being fashionable isn't such a bad thing after all and who maybe takes to clipping his nose hairs might just well be having an affair with his boss or secretary! The wife who signs herself up for a car mechanics course, who suddenly starts singing whilst doing the washing up and who blushes uncontrollably, were before not a blemish would disturb the paleness, might just well be having an affair with the lad from the garage down the road!By simply having an affair they have become untrustworthy! It is sad to assume that marriage and trust are inextricably linked through having sex only with each other, there must be other things that one needs to be trusted with, but past records tell us otherwise. Trusting a partner to buy milk on the way home or to take the dog out for a walk is not on the same level as trusting one to be faithful. In marriage trust is used solely and forcibly in connection with faithfulness and nothing else invoking trust comes anywhere close.It is not only the ability to trust one another that will formulate a deep friendship but the ability to trust oneself. At the point were the floodgates are opened and the rail tracks crossed there is no turning back and so to retain an element of friendship lies will have to be told however white or small they maybe. Having crossed the invisible barrier the only way to co-exist with the spouse is to pretend that nothing untoward has happened but unfortunately the inbuilt character of the unfaithful will change, least of all because he/she has tasted the bread and now wants the butter (probably with jam and on both sides). The unfaithful party is now hiding something that cannot be shared and due to these new external interests his movements, actions and conversations back home will change - in simple terms the trust factor has been sadly broken in two!Before partners in marriage can become friends there needs to be a total trust, they cannot start to live their own lives if there is any possibility of either one falling by the wayside. To gain this trust it is essential to realise early on that the other partner is essential to the future, as a friend and as a lover. It is equally important to realise that any breach in this understanding is to break up into a thousand pieces any possibility of a friendship being cemented. To test run the neighbour's wife, to be swept off your feet by the milkman will be the end of all endings despite the other finding out or not. It is thus imperative in both minds that friendship is of far greater importance than anything else, despite the fact that the romance has worn off and that sex no longer bears thinking about, that it is all worthwhile simply for what friendship brings.Friendship brings companionship, support and a hot cup of coffee when required. An affair brings an excellent romp in the back seat of a mini, a failed marriage and a possible hot cup of coffee over the head by both the affair and the partner back home! Yes, the heady days of romance have been rekindled with a young blonde or Melvin Bragg and certainly those feelings of being loved and wanted are back in town but it is important to distinguish between what is merely 'heady' and what is sensible. A quick dabble of the wick or a tune up at the garage is not the gate to a new beginning it is simply a break in the bonds of trust and whether or not it feels good at the time it certainly will not be good in the long run!Partners who feel that their friendship is good but their sex life is defunct should have the maturity and sensibility to talk about such things without giggling hysterically, running to the nearest available sex pot or blaming the other for its terribleness. There are alternative solutions to a poor sex life, ones that can become acceptable and enjoyable to both parties without infringing on the bonds of trust. Partner swapping, mass orgies, role play and even simply changing the way one goes about making love are all avenues for research, maybe not all to some and only one or two to others but considering these is the better road to tread!As a final note; it is possible to let the eyes wander just don't let it become physical and most of all don't let the other partner catch you eyeing up some well dressed chick or a hunk with a set of pecks on proud display. This may sound like the trust is being broken but for some reason or other (that is not worth discussing here) this little excursion to the other side is permissible. Probably because both parties are doing it! [EXTRACT] It is apparently human nature to drift, were looking not to do and what should not have had in the first place. In other words, participants to marriage invariable and eventually move into some other pot of paint, plant tulips in the garden of the neighbors or use the Secretary of obligations not mentioned in your contract, if they are caught or not, is the point at issue here. What is of utmost importance is the fact that most people who swim in another pond act suspicious, starts to behave strangely and invoke immediate suspicion of the other! The husband who suddenly starts to work late, who decides late in life that fashion ISN 't so bad after all, and perhaps has to cut his hair in the nose can be fair and have an affair with her manager or secretary! The woman who enrolls in an auto mechanics course, which suddenly begins to sing while doing the washing and blushes uncontrollably, underwent a stain that will not disturb the pale, just so I could be having an affair with the young man from the garage to the road! Just having an affair have become unreliable! It's sad to think that marriage and trust are inextricably linked to having sex only with each other, there must be other things that one has to be trusted with, but past records tell us otherwise. Relying on a partner to buy milk on the way home or take the dog for a walk is not on the same level of confidence that one is faithful. In the confidence of marriage is used exclusively by force and in relation to invoke loyalty and trust nothing comes anywhere close. It is not only the ability to trust others to make a deep friendship, but the ability to trust yourself. At the time the gates were open and crossed the railroad tracks there is no turning back and so retain an element of friendship lies have to say though, white or small it can be. After having crossed the invisible barrier that the only way to live with a spouse is to pretend that nothing bad has happened, but unfortunately the innate character of the infidels will change, and less so because he / she has tried the bread and now wants the butter (probably with jam and on both sides). The unfaithful party is hiding something that can not be shared and because of these new interests outside their movements, actions and conversations back home is going to change - in simple terms, the trust factor has been sadly split in two prior partners marriage can be friends there must be total trust can not begin to live their own lives if there is any possibility that it is a drop in the road. To earn this trust is essential to realize early on that the other partner is essential for the future, as a friend and lover. It is also important to note that any breach of this agreement is to break to pieces any possibility of a friendship that was consolidated. To test run the wife of the neighbor, to be swept off her feet by the milkman will be the final end of all the others though to find out or not. It is therefore essential, in the minds that friendship is more important than anything else, although the romance is gone and that sex can not be thought, that's all worthwhile simply for brings.Friendship friendship brings companionship, support and a cup of hot coffee when necessary. One issue brings a great romp in the backseat of a small car, a failed marriage and a cup of hot coffee on his head can both subject and partner back home! Yes, the glory days of rekindled romance with a young blonde or Melvin Bragg, and certainly the feeling of being loved and wanted back in the city, but it is important to distinguish between what is merely "strong" and what is sensible. A quick raid of the wick or a tune up in the garage is not the door to a new beginning, is simply a break in the bonds of trust and whether or not feeling well at the moment is certainly not good the long run! Couples who feel that their friendship is good, but your sex life is missing should have the maturity and sensitivity to talk about these things without laughing hysterically, running to the nearest well sex, or blaming the other for fear. There are alternatives to a poor sex life, which can become acceptable and enjoyable for both parties, without prejudice to the bonds of trust. Swinger, mass orgies, role play, even just changing the way we are going to love are all avenues for research, maybe not all for some and only one or two others, but taking into account these is the best path to tread! As a final note: you can leave your eyes wander alone do not let it become physically and especially do not let the other partner looking to capture a well-dressed girl or a piece of a set of pecks on proud display. This may sound like the trust is broken, but for some reason or another (not worth discussing here), this little excursion to the other side is allowed. Probably because both parties are doing!
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