Wayside Gardens: The New Marriage - Part One of Four


If life is a journey across uncertain terrain, love is the mountain commanding the landscape. When you scale that mountain and survey the area, everything falls into place, and everything makes sense. You can see forever, and it all seems so simple. "Why did it take so long to get here?" you wonder.From ground level, if you can even see the peak, obscured as it so often is by unsuitable weather and intervening hills, scaling love's heights may seem an impossible task. Some people never set foot on the path; others fall by the wayside after encountering an obstacle or two. Still others settle for temporary respite, lured by the attractions of oases in an immense, empty desert. There is much to be said for the comfort afforded by casual relationships, but a watering hole cannot sustain life indefinitely, and sometimes what seemed an oasis turns out to be just a mirage.No doubt there are many false starts, detours, and dead ends on life's journey. There are pitfalls and jungles where fearsome beasts lie in wait, but there are also magnificent gardens where the sweet fruits of success, family, friends, good feelings and well-being proliferate. One can live and do well in such places, but life without true love and deep intimacy leaves one feeling somehow unfulfilled, somehow cheated.The terrain may be rocky, but your age, gender, or sexual preference shouldn't be obstacles. It helps if your heart has already been broken. Fixing a broken heart is easier than setting out on a journey blindfolded by inexperience.Even after you've made your journey through the valley and emerged on the other side, you'll encounter a certain adjustment period when you come to grips with your partner's faults. You might get angry about those faults. You might not be able to accept that your partner isn't the perfect person you imagined. To deal with this, another trip to the valley might be inevitable. However, once you've been there, it's not nearly as big a drop-off as before, because you have the tools to cope and you won't get stuck.Because so many of our committed relationships are based on childhood expectations, we have little idea of what it takes to maintain a successful adult relationship. After experiencing the heights of early romantic love, most of us are ready to call it quits when faced with the rigors of daily living. We are unprepared for the journey it takes to reach lasting love. For those of us who believe in fairy tales, this new terrain is foreign and unmapped. No one has shown us how to traverse it, or given us directions on how to get there.Through the ages there have been couples who, despite cultural barriers, have maintained a lived experience in their marriages. How have they accomplished this? Carl Jung believed that there is great wisdom in spiritual traditions, literature, and mythology. Most fortunate couples throughout the ages, who have learned to live according to these deeper truths, beat the odds. It has become clear to me through my own personal and professional experiences that there are some universal truths that provide a model for fulfilling relationships, regardless of programmed learning from childhood or cultural limitations. These truths transcend culture and our own limited egos.Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D [EXTRACT] If life is a journey through uncertain terrain, love is in command of the mountain landscape. As you climb the mountain and survey the area, everything falls into place, and everything makes sense. You can see forever, and it all seems so simple. "Why did it take so long to get here?" that wonder.From ground level, if you can see the peak, obscured as it so often is inadequate for the weather and hills involved, the scale heights of love may seem an impossible task. Some people never set foot on the road, while others fall by the wayside after encountering an obstacle or two. Still others settle for a temporary respite, attracted by the lure of immense oasis in a desert and empty. There is much to say about the comfort of casual, but a well of water can not sustain life indefinitely, and sometimes it seemed an oasis mirage just be a question. There are not many false starts, detours and dead ends the journey of life. There are pitfalls and jungles, where fearsome beasts lurking, but there are beautiful gardens where the sweet fruits of success, family, friends, good feelings and welfare to proliferate. You can live and do well in those places, but life without true love and deep intimacy leaves a feeling somewhat dissatisfied, somewhat rocky terrain can be cheated.The, but their age, gender or sexual preference should not be an obstacle. It helps if your heart is already broken. Fixing a broken heart is easier than a trip down blindfolded by inexperience.Even after making his journey through the valley and emerged on the other side, you will meet a specified period of adjustment when it comes to face your partner faults. You may be angry about these faults. You may not be able to accept that your partner is not a perfect person I imagined. To address this, another trip to the valley may be unavoidable. However, once you've been there, is not nearly as big as a drop-off, as before, because you have the tools to cope and do not stuck.Because many of our relationships are based on stable expectations children, have little idea of ​​what it takes to maintain a successful adult. After experiencing the fullness of early romantic love, most of us are ready to drop everything when faced with the rigors of daily life. We are not prepared for the journey it takes to reach a lasting love. For those of us who believe in fairy tales, this new foreign land is not allocated. Nobody has shown us how to cross it, or have been given instructions on how to get there. Through the ages there have been couples who, despite cultural barriers, have retained an experience in their marriage. How has this been achieved? Carl Jung believed that there is great wisdom in the spiritual traditions, literature and mythology. Most couples fortunate over the centuries, they have learned to live according to the deepest truths, to overcome obstacles. It has become evident through my own personal and professional experience that there are some universal truths that provide a model for successful relationships, regardless of the programmed since childhood education or cultural constraints. These truths transcend our limited culture and Linda Miles Ph.D. egos.Copyright 2005
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